Being tough is something that is discussed and apparently desired a great deal in the martial arts as well as life in general. The real question though is what is being tough? Some of the toughest people I know have never been involved in a fight in their entire lives. What I’m talking about here is Mental Toughness. Mental Toughness can be defined as possessing a natural or developed psychological edge that allows you to;
- Cope with the stresses and demands that everyday life places us under.
- Be more consistent in being determined, focused, confident and resilient and in control under pressure
Sounds easy right? Well yes and no. The concepts of developing Mental Toughness are not difficult to grasp or put into practice. What is difficult is training our minds to believe that we can survive almost any situation and come out the other side both mentally and physically intact. There are 4 keys to developing Mental Toughness that if practiced consistently can substantially improve your life, feelings of self-worth and assist you in realizing all of your goals, ambitions and dreams.
Focus
Developing focus is not an easy thing to do. It requires a great deal of time, effort and practice in order to assimilate it into our psyche.
Learning to focus involves learning how to not become adversely affected by the actions or perceptions of others. It also involves learning how to ignore our own internal preoccupations and distractions. We are constantly engaged in an internal dialogue with ourselves. Some of the time this dialogue is positive, but much of the time we are awash in our own insecurities, self-doubt, fears and worries. Part of the problem is that even under the best of circumstances we go through much of our lives feeling weak, insignificant, unworthy and fearful. Our brains are a vast organic computer completing billions of calculations every second of our lives. Like any computer the brain can only process the data that is inputted into the mainframe. Think back to your childhood, school, your social life and work. How many times have we heard “that’s impossible”, “it’ll never work”, “that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” Sound familiar? For most of us we’ve heard these negative self-depreciating statements for years, and across all environments. Guess what; when you hear something enough times you start to believe it and act on it.
This is Neurolinguistic Programming in action. This is a big word that basically means that what we input into our brains is what we are going to feel, think and act upon. Let me give you a perfect example. I work in a maximum security prison on an Emergency Response Team. We work with some of the most dangerous and violent members of our society and are outnumbered by an average of 10/1. I work amongst the inmates in an open unit, and they have access to me and my partner a great deal of the time. Did I mention that my partner is a 110 pound woman? I’m not being sexist here. I have the greatest respect and admiration for my partner, and I know when something bad happens, she’ll always have my back. Pretty much everyone I work with is what I would consider a “normal” person if such a thing exists. Not one of us is superman, yet we go to work everyday and willingly place ourselves amongst the wolves of society. These are the predators that would not hesitate for a second to harm one of us if they feel they can do so with minimal cost to themselves. So what keeps us safe? It’s not guns, because we don’t carry weapons of any kind. It’s also not fear, because I can guarantee a person who rapes, robs and murders for a living is not afraid of being sent to segregation (the hole) for violent or aggressive behavior. So what is it then? Training and focus.
When I respond to a “code” (an emergency call) my mind is running through the steps I need to take to deal with the situation in the quickest and most expeditious manner possible. There is no room for self-doubt or hesitation because that’s what gets people hurt or killed. If I responded thinking “I can’t take him down, he’s too big and strong”, or “I’m scared; that guy stabbed two people to death” then I’d probably be injured or ineffective in bringing the situation to a quick and safe conclusion. It’s not my 30+ years of martial arts training that keeps me safe (although it’s trained my body to react almost instantaneously to threats), and it’s not my size (I’m 180 pounds soaking wet). I believe and know that no matter what is waiting for me on the other side of the door I’m going through I can and will deal with it and go on with my life. My focus is on the job at hand and what I need to do to control the situation. There is no time for my own personal insecurities to intrude because it’s a distraction I can’t afford. In my world you only get one mistake.
Self Belief
Self belief is an unshakable belief in our ability to succeed. In part it is the unique qualities that make us who we are. We’re going to talk a lot about Neurolinguistic Programming, because it’s a big part of training our minds to become Mentally Tough. If I told you one thousand times a day that you are dumb, ugly and worthless would it matter? It might if you don’t believe in your own skills and abilities. Now on the other hand; if you tell yourself one thousand times a day that you are smart, capable and a beautiful person you will begin to feel and act this way. You see perception is 90% of reality. I can’t just believe that I’m rich and make it happen, but if I believe strongly enough in myself my confidence and willingness to overcome obstacles will go along way to achieving this goal. Think of the most successful person you know. Are they any smarter, luckier or more deserving of success than you? Likely they’re not; what they’ve got is the ability to pick themselves up off the floor every time they fail and keep moving forward until they reach their goal. A very wise person once told me “Sometimes you’ve got to fake it until you make it.”
Composure
Composure is the ability to retain psychological control following unexpected events and problems. It is the ability to recognize that some anxiety is inevitable, and having confidence in your ability to cope with it and triumph. Developing composure is a learned skill. It comes with experience and the knowledge that you have the skills, training and knowledge to deal with whatever life throws at you.
Motivation
Motivation is part of what allows us to recover from setbacks and screw ups. It is the internal desire and drive to succeed. Everyone has a motive for everything they do. Money, power, sex, it doesn’t matter what the motive is what is important is how we achieve it. It’s vitally important to understand what motivates you. If you want to achieve your goals you’ve got to have a very clear understanding of why it’s a goal in the first place. Many times what we think is our goal is not what truly motivates us. Often we become embroiled in what others tell us our motivations should be. I know people who work 7 days a week, 16 hours a day to have the big house, big car and three weeks in Mexico every year. These are the same people who are miserable because they never see their wives and children, suffer health related concerns from stress and fatigue. They operate under the assumption that these “things” are what’s important in life. I’m not here to tell you they’re not. If money and possessions are important to you and what motivates you to succeed; then more power to you. Pursue them with your heart, mind and soul. What I am saying is be honest with yourself. Don’t confuse desire with motivation. Our motives are always intrinsic and cannot be affected or predicted by others.
Developing Mental Toughness
So, how do we develop Mental Toughness? It starts with having the right attitude and state of mind. We need to be confident that no matter what setbacks and roadblocks are thrown up in our path, that we have adequately prepared ourselves and will achieve our goals. We also have to possess the courage to “lay it on the line” and to live our lives with 100% focus and determination. We need to begin to program the computer in our head to succeed with positive thinking and affirmations. I’m not talking about the pseudo-psychological bullshit that you see printed on motivational posters either. I’m referring to a lot of serious self examination and focusing on what you really want and think is important. We need to start expecting only the best from ourselves and affirm what we are going to do to realize our potential and be successful. Visualization is a big part of the equation. Athletes have used visualization for years to perfect their technique and improve their performance. We’ve all got a script that plays out in our heads every day. The script may change dependent upon the circumstances and the people surrounding us but it exists none the less. Start seeing yourself as a strong person, one who performs at peak function regardless of what you are engaging in. Visualize yourself being strong, confident and fully focused and you will begin to act accordingly.
Developing a routine that focuses on the desired emotional and mental state of mind is important to success. If we are constantly trying the latest fad or using a shotgun approach to preparing ourselves to succeed then we won’t. Now here’s the hard part; practice. We all want the fast and easy way out. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but there is no easy way to success. You need to practice the skills you acquire and execute them with full focus and attention if you truly want to achieve your goals. You’ve got to develop a “bulldog” mentality and once committed to a course of action remain persistent and never give up. You’ve also got accept the fact that “shit happens” and learn to let go of mistakes if things don’t go the way you’ve planned. The trick to training yourself to be Mentally Tough is the ability to adjust, compensate and possess the ability to go to plan B or C or Z if things don’t go your way. Keep reframing things to help you focus on the task at hand. Be persistent and never allow failure or frustration to stand in your way. Take control over your negative thoughts, self-talk and the “I can’t” attitude. We all run into situations and circumstances that make us intimidated, frustrated and lose focus. Start re-framing these negative thoughts into positive Mentally Tough thoughts and actions. Mark Twain probably stated it best when he said. “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.” Indulge me and try a social experiment. Buy a pack of sticky notes and write self affirming Mentally Tough statements on them, such as “I can do anything I put my mind to” and “I can and will be successful, because I’m worthy and have the skills and talents to succeed.” The specifics of the affirmation should be directed to what personally motivates you and will lead you towards achieving your goals. Take these notes and stick them everywhere. On your fridge, your mirror, your desk etc. Every time you see one of them, read it aloud for a period of two weeks and see if your attitude and focus improves. Yoda had the right idea when he said “There is no think, only do.” Good luck and train hard and you to can develop the Warrior Mind.
Kerry Sauve
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